I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
