you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
