He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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