How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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