Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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