somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
