I wish my penis had an off switch
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize