found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
