well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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