So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FUCK WHALES
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize