dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just googled if crying burns calories
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
