Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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