Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
