You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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