I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
