I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
