So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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