Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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