I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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