You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my vagina is haunted
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
