Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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