is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
