I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
