When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
