how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
