Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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