reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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