Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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