And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
