I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize