Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
