dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
