It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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