so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
