All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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