yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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