Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
