You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What did we do last night that was yellow?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
