aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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