The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
