he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found a bag of teeth...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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