Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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