Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
