Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
