phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize