I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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