you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My balls are so social today.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
