I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
