You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think my vagina is haunted
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
