He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
