Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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