i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
