Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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