Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
