i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize