Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
