This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
