We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
