Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
