yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
its liver damage thursday
Randomize