I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
