You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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