Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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