Welp...herpes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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