hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
