You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
