drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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