sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
