I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
