I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize