I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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