just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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