I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
