Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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