Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
