thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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