so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
