You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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