Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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