And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize