She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
