Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
